Thursday, March 06, 2008

Oh Jezebel

I recently started reading a blog called Jezebel, and I love that they cover everything from politics to fashion to sex and more. A comment they made about an article they found on revirginization made me snicker. I enjoy Jezebel's honest, sarcastic, and conversational commentary.

The site they discuss is about "renewed virgins" who've "found" their virginity again and mentions that some women even have surgical "replacement" of their hymens (we'll talk about how that's problematic later). Jezebel notes how one woman gave her newly intact hymen to her husband as an anniversary gift.

Jezebel's response: Why is an intact vagina a present? Is sex only meaningful when dudes get all Star Trek and boldly go where no man has gone before? Does Jesus give a sh*t about your hymen?

Schools of thought (that might be a stretch) like the site they reference are why Americans, and especially women, have such screwed up notions of sexuality and self-worth.

Anyway, we both felt immediately guilty about it and cried and prayed for forgiveness. However, it lowered self-respect in both of us so that over the next year, it became easier for us to have sex because "we had already done it." It's not that we had sex all that often... but mostly when, 1. We didn't have a plan for the evening, and 2. No one was around.

And the sex wasn't even all that pleasurable at first... no one told me it would hurt or that it would be so much work! We felt pressure to try to "get it right," and I know it would frustrate him if I wasn't fulfilled... he felt like he wasn't good enough. We'd try so hard to feel the pleasure during sex, but we'd feel so guilty about it afterward. The strain between us started to grow. We really startedsecond-guessing each other and our entire relationship. Our relationship had originally began on the basis of the love of God... we had grown SO much together, spiritually and mentally. We used to challenge each other with our readings and have the best discussions.

That poor girl. See, no one ever taught her to love her body and that what the human body desires is natural and okay. Relationships are not based on mutual love of God. That's what churches are for. Relationships are more complicated than just one shared interest and include sexual attraction, and hey, sometimes relationships even fail, with or without sex. Sigh.

There's just so much to say about this that it makes me tired. I'm in support of saving yourself for the right person who you love/care about/like a lot/trust/is not a douche, but marriage does not automatically make those things true.

Oh yeah, and the whole, intact hymen thing. We are a species that just loves making absolutes out of imprecise terms, aren't we? (see: The Bible, race, sexuality, gender roles) Some women aren't even born with a hymen, and the absence of one is not the definitive definition of "de-virginized." I was pretty sure it was common knowledge from 6th grade health class (oh wait, many states don't allow those either) that a hymen could break from vigorous exercise or horseback riding.

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